


Cognitive Assonance

by Lynds, Nonexistenz



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: BAMF Tony Stark, Ceiling Vent Clint Barton, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Clint is very conflicted, Cognitive Dissonance, Digital Art, Loki (Marvel) Does What He Wants, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, M/M, Protective Clint Barton, The Sceptre Works, Tony Stark Does What He Wants, but he'll never admit it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:02:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23933518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lynds/pseuds/Lynds, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nonexistenz/pseuds/Nonexistenz
Summary: Loki presses the sceptre above the arc reactor. There are no performance issues.But there's also a lot more to Loki's plan than just taking over the earth.
Relationships: Loki/Tony Stark
Comments: 32
Kudos: 275





	Cognitive Assonance

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry about the double post! I jumped the gun lol!! AMAZING ART by Nonexistenz at the end of the fic!! <3 - Lynds

“How will your friends have time for me when they’re so busy fighting you?”

The panic has just enough time to rise in Tony’s throat like gorge, though he knows he’s keeping it off his face. _JARVIS, JARVIS, any time now, send the fucking suit._ But he barely finishes the thought. The point of the sceptre touches his chest, a pinprick just above the metal casing of the arc reactor, and a calm he’s never felt before spreads through him. All of a sudden, it all makes sense. Just like that, Tony _knows._ He knows _everything._

Loki smiles at him, wide and vicious. Tony cocks his head on one side and examines him. Laughs. “And I thought I was a genius,” he says. “Where are they coming in?”

“The portal is being set up on the roof,” Loki replies, turning and stalking back to the plate glass windows, that swaggering, swaying walk making the leather duster tap on his calves. Tony enjoys the view. He had expected the mind-whammy to make him into a different person. Huh. Only thing that’s changed is that he agrees with Loki now. Why wouldn’t he? It makes perfect sense.

The suit moulds itself around him as he walks to stand beside his new leader. “You know,” he says. “I appreciate you want me to keep the others busy, line them up like ducks, but we could make better use of my time.” He points out towards the water, where the vast arc reactor lies unseen. “Give me a minute and I can light the skies up for you, baby.”

Loki’s face snaps to the side, eyes narrowing. Tony smirks. “Explain,” he says, his voice gravel. _Nice,_ Tony thinks. “I was told of these nukes by the archer, but nothing more.”

Tony snorts. “Nukes are so passe. You wanna blast an entire space army into bits, you use my tech.”

Loki grits his teeth. “Say that again,” he growls. “Differently.”

Tony looks at him a moment, at his unnaturally blue eyes. “As you wish,” he murmurs. He clears his throat and looks back out at the city. “Nukes are so passe,” he repeats. “You wanna blast an entire team of superheroes into bits, you use my tech.”

Loki lets out a breath. Tony hadn’t realised he’d been holding it. This needs testing. _Can he hear me, the other guy?_ he asks mentally, imagining himself pushing the thought towards Loki. Like he used to do with old Charlie Xavier when Mom and Dad took him to the X-mansion. _Yoo-hoo, Lokes, can_ you _hear me?_

Nothing. His mind may belong to Loki, but it’s in Tony’s care right now.

“Get on with it, then,” Loki says.

Tony bows sharply. “Your majesty,” he says, hoping the smirk’s coming through the voice modulator. And then he’s off, repulsors kicking in as he throws himself from the tower, his mind bent to one purpose. Do Loki’s bidding.

***

There’s nothing but pain in his skull. He swallows hard and regrets it instantly; it’s torn his throat apart and pounding an echo against every muscle in his jaw and neck.

“Don’t move too much,” Bruce says, and Tony will worship him forever for the soft voice he’s using. He turns his head to the side, risks opening a single eye. Bruce smiles at him and puts down a clipboard he’s been looking at. “How’re you doing?”

Tony turns his head back to look up at the ceiling. How is he doing? He remembers taunting Loki, trying to get the new suit, offering him a drink (of _course_ he offered a megalomaniacal alien a drink, of _course_ ). He remembers the scepter coming up, how sick with fear he’d been, and then…

“What happened?” he croaks.

Bruce gives him a rueful smile. “Loki got you with the sceptre,” he says. “He sent you off to tinker with the arc reactor, we think he was trying to get you to blow up the city with it.” He shrugs and gives Tony an almost proud grin. “I guess he wasn’t factoring in the man who built flying armour out of scrap metal in a cave - you sent a beam of light straight through that portal of his, knocked out all those Chitauri ships.” He pats Tony’s shoulder. “Blast knocked you out, though - we were worried about you for a while.”

Tony blinks at him. Bruce just smiles once more and leaves.

That’s not right, he thinks. But at the same time, it is.

***

Everyone’s still in the tower. Pepper’s put them up in the guest floors, the ones she insisted on though they both know Tony irritates the shit out of anyone he actually likes, so it’s not like he’ll ever have proper guests. He imagines the only reason this lot have stayed is because New York’s trashed and Tony himself has been asleep the whole time. AKA at his least irritating, according to, well, everyone.

But when he stumbles out of the med room and makes his way up to the big living room, they’re all there, making food, watching a movie, _smiling_ when they see him, shaking his hand (Cap, obviously, the grandpa). Congratulating him like he defeated Loki single handedly. 

“Your will must be great, Son of Stark,” says Thor, thumping him on the back hard enough to start the headache pounding again through all the pain meds. “To have fought Loki’s influence by yourself, you must truly be a great warrior.”

Clint is staring at him with narrowed eyes, calculating something, and Tony wants to know what to say, but he can’t, because it is true, and yet it isn’t.

***

He finds out they’re keeping Loki in yet another fucking Hulk cage in Tony’s own tower. How fucking long was he out? Who the hell thought he’d ever say yes to having one of those things put into his building?

But he holds his peace when they tell him, so they assume he agrees with it. As if he _actually_ has no brain to mouth filter - as if he _actually_ says everything he thinks as soon as he thinks it! Let them believe it. Everyone else does.

It’s a day or so before he can sneak down there. Hours of sorting through his memories that slink back one by one, all the contradictions he finds there. Hours of smiling and joking with the team while the rest of his mind is working furiously.

Now it’s 3am and the others are scattered around the guest floors, mostly sleeping or reading, according to JARVIS. Tony takes the elevator down to the reinforced workshop he was hoping to use as a test ground for the suit. There sits the prison cube, a crystal bug display case lit up with fluorescent lights that beam down constantly on the still figure lying flat on the narrow bench.

“Come to sightsee, have we?” purrs Loki, and Tony almost startles. One green eye opens and Loki rolls his head around to smirk at Tony.

Tony walks closer, shoving his hands in his pockets and making a circuit of the cage, brushing fingertips over the buttons. “I hear the Hulk used you to redecorate my penthouse,” he says, catching the subtle stiffening of muscles in Loki’s otherwise languid form. “I’ve had to sleep in a guest room, can you believe that?”

“The true tragedy of this whole affair,” Loki says.

“I know, right?” Tony shakes his head. “You’re looking pretty damn well for it, though.”

Loki smirks at him and raises an eyebrow. “Careful, Stark. One might think you were flirting with the devil.”

“Baby, if the devil himself came to New York you bet your ass I’d be the first to flirt with him. Isn’t that right, Barton?”

He raises his voice at the last sentence, directing the sound up to where he _thinks _(he’s pretty sure) Clint’s hiding in the vents. There’s silence just long enough for Tony to doubt, and then an annoyed huff, and the show-off does a backflip out into the room.__

__“Nice of you to join us, Legolas,” says Tony. He spreads his arms and walks towards Loki’s cage. “Looks like the gang’s all here.”_ _

__Loki glances from one to another and is there the hint of fear there? It’s hidden quicker than even Tony could ever manage, and Loki lounges back against the glass, his eyes hooded. “If you believe this little display could intimidate me into telling you more about my erstwhile masters--”_ _

__“That’s not what this is,” says Tony. He can feel Barton’s eyes boring into the side of his head and he wonders what it would have been like had they been under Loki’s thrall at the same time. There’s a little part of him that feels… bereft. Howls out for the peace he’d felt under Loki’s control, while another part of him rebels at it and howls back, nauseated. He clenches his fist and leans against the glass, his eyes fixed on Loki._ _

__Loki, who’s starting to look nervous. “Ah,” he says. “I see. You’re here for your pound of flesh.” He snorts and shakes his head, and there’s a flash of weariness, the exhaustion of a man who keeps hoping for something, someone on his side, and gets angry with himself each time for wishing. “I’m afraid you’ll have to open the cage to get it. Are you so sure the two of you are a match for me?”_ _

__Tony opens his mouth, then shuts it. He turns to Barton. “What do you remember from your time under Loki’s control?” he asks._ _

__Barton’s eyes narrow imperceptibly and he walks forward slowly, his attention fully on Tony, and not on the most obvious threat in the room. “I remember what I did,” he says warily. “I remember…” He glances at Loki. “My objective. It was the most important thing in the world. The only thing that mattered.” He draws level with Tony. “Why are you asking, Stark? What, you remember something different? You’re not special.”_ _

___“Au contraire,_ my feathered friend, I’m very special. But I don’t think I remember different to you. I think you’re holding back.”_ _

__Barton snorts, but Loki’s sitting up now, wide eyed. Tony turns to face Barton fully. To lay his cards on the table. “I remember the objective too,” he agrees. “I remember it was all Loki’s. It was…”_ _

__“Peaceful,” says Barton softly. The two of them shudder at the cognitive dissonance, the call for that pure aim, the repulsion at the total lack of free will. Barton glared at Loki. “If you ever do that to me again, I will fucking end you.”_ _

__Loki’s eyebrows shoot up. “I beg your--”_ _

__Tony grins at Barton and presses a button. The door to the Hulk cage slides open. Loki cuts himself off and stands, looking like a man facing execution. One hand twitches, the fingers flickering against his thigh._ _

__“I remember,” Tony says, holding Loki’s gaze very seriously, “how important it was to stop the invasion.”_ _

__“How we had to be big,” Clint says, shoulder to shoulder with Tony. “We could’ve done all that stuff silently, dropped that portal over the middle of nowhere and let the entire Chitauri force through before attacking.”_ _

__“Why didn’t you tell anyone afterwards?” Tony asks, as Loki stands there, blinking as if trying to wrap his mind around a new world view. “Anyone could’ve seen your eye colour change after the Hulk’s cognitive recalibration.”_ _

__Loki snorts. “Even I would not believe such a tale.”_ _

__“We’d’ve backed you up,” Tony says, thumbing towards Clint._ _

__Loki cocks his head and regards him almost fondly. “And had your reputation destroyed? I think not.”_ _

__“He’s right,” Clint says to Tony. “Pretty sure if I was the only one? I wouldn’t be saying anything.” He shrugs when Tony frowns. “Don’t look at me like that, man, you’re a billionaire, I’m a grunt in an organisation that’s really good at making people disappear.”_ _

__Tony shrugs. “Good thing you managed to catch me then, isn’t it, Lokes?”_ _

__“Don’t call me that,” Loki frowns._ _

__“Because not only am I richer than God and SHIELD combined, I’m also damn good at convincing people of things.”_ _

__Barton looks at him flatly. Tony rolls his eyes. “Fine, I also have video evidence of Loki and I discussing what I was gonna do with the arc reactor. And the whole eye colour thing.” He walks into the cage and slaps Loki on the shoulder. Loki winces and glares at Tony, looking like an offended cat. “Also, I owe you a drink. After you?”_ _

__Loki hesitates, then takes a step. Then another, until he’s walking out of the Hulk cage like every moment he expects to have the door slammed in his face. Tony pretends that doesn’t twang some heartstrings and concentrates on how much fun this is gonna be._ _

____

***

Tony’s right. It’s a damn circus when he and Clint are found drinking whiskey with Loki. It’s Cap who finds them, of course, at 5am following his little morning jog around the entire city. Tony pretends to be too slow to stop him from rousing the rest of the Avengers (that name really stuck, didn’t it?) and SHIELD itself. By the time he decides it’s time for some proper explanations, Nick Fury’s yelling at him from a screen, Thor and Loki are exchanging Shakespearean insults and calling up a whole-ass thunderstorm, and Bruce has already disappeared, looking greenish.

Tony just signals JARVIS, and the videos start to play. The CCTV he’s gathered of Loki nearly blacking out when he first arrives, close up photos of Loki’s eyes pre- and post-Hulk treatment, and the conversation he had with Tony about blasting the space army with the arc reactor - just how Tony did it in the end.

There’s silence as the show ends. Loki sips his whiskey and looks out of the window, lounging back against the bar, smooth as you like. Tony wants to laugh with the glee of it.

“So you were on our side?” Natasha says, arms crossed. “The whole time?”

“I was on my own side,” Loki scoffs, not bothering to look at her. She shrugs, unoffended.

“If you were in control of the sceptre, though, how…” Steve’s face scrunches up and he looks like such a beefcake idiot Tony has to remind himself, again and again, that this is one of the best strategic minds of the 20th century. “I mean, you needed that cognitive recalibration thing too, right?”

“It was not the same,” Loki says, and this time he’s not meeting anyone’s eyes for a different reason. “The Other, he was… inside my head. He could snatch my attention to him at any moment, I…”

“It hurt,” Clint says as his voice trails off. Loki’s looking suddenly gaunt, the sleep-bruises under his eyes dark and hollow. “Didn’t it?”

Loki doesn’t move, and Clint looks between Steve, Natasha, Thor and Tony. “When we were getting things ready for Stuttgart, he’d go off into this… trance thing. Just sit and stare into space for ages and then _snap_ back to life like he’d been smacked upside the head.” He snaps his fingers as he says it, and Loki flinches. Just a little. Thor doesn’t notice, but, well, Tony guesses the others are all dealing with their own PTSD issues, they know what to look for.

“Who is this that dares lay a hand on a prince of Asgard?” Thor demands. He drops a heavy hand on Loki’s shoulder. “Brother, if you had but _told_ me--”

“I am _not your brother!”_ Loki roars, leaping to his feet, his snarling face inches from Thor’s. The room, tension still strumming through it, finds its outlet. In seconds, Clint and Tony are by Loki’s side, Tony’s hand pressed to Loki’s chest, while Steve has his arm across Thor’s. Natasha stands between them, one Widow’s Bite pointing at each god.

Tony’s surprised when it’s Loki that backs down first. With the rictus fury relaxing into one last sneer, he shakes his head and turns from Thor, slouching back to his bar stool and retrieving his drink.

Thor, too, stands down, though not without holding up a warning finger. “You will do well to control your outbursts before we return to Asgard,” he growls. Loki snorts.

“Well, as much fun as this is,” says Fury, sitting back in his chair on the video link. “I’d rather be doing paperwork.” He hangs up without another word.

“I’d forgotten he was there,” says Tony, pretending his heart’s not pounding from the adrenaline spike.

Natasha snorts and straightens her Bites. “Next thing we know he’ll be offering you a job.” She looks at Clint. “You sure about this?”

He swallows and nods. “Yeah.”

“OK.” She nods as well, turns, and leaves. It’s that easy. Tony wonders if he’ll ever find a person he trusts the way they trust each other.

“Seriously?” says Steve. “That’s it?” He looks at Tony and Clint. “What about Coulson? You’re really fine with that? What he did?”

All of them look away, including Loki. He glances up at Clint. “I did… try,” he says awkwardly. “I thought him to be at the site of the breach, he was _supposed_ to…” He clears his throat, then sticks his jaw out. “I would do it again,” he says. “We had a plan, and it was necessary.”

Clint nods, still not looking at him. There’s a moment that hangs like a diving bird, then Clint clears his throat. “I’d, uh… I best check on Nat.” 

He slips away. Steve shakes his head, then he, too, is gone.

The morning sun’s casting long shadows through the skyscrapers, a warm golden colour painted on the back wall. Tony lowers himself to the sofa in the centre of the room with a long sigh and soaks it up for a moment. 

He glances back at Loki, who looks uncomfortable on that bar stool now he’s not lounging there like a king. “Did you really try and… what, keep Coulson safe?” Tony asks.

Loki tilts his head from side to side. “To a certain extent,” he says. “I knew the faces of those held dear by Barton, Sitwell and the others under my thrall, but… they all knew that stopping the invasion mattered more than any individual.”

Tony nods. “Yeah. Yeah, I remember. That whole _end justifies the means_ thing - after all, if the plan fails, everyone’s gonna be dead anyway.”

Loki nods. “Knowing you would do anything to save one person, but knowing that you may have to kill that person in the process of what must be done.” He frowns to himself. “I must admit, I never expected you to remember… the mind is not built to comprehend two such conflicting truths.”

“Cognitive dissonance,” Tony agrees. “The mind doesn’t _want_ to comprehend two conflicting truths, that’s true. We usually re-write history to justify it. Pretend we felt differently.”

“Then why are you and Barton not doing that?”

Tony’s quiet for a moment, staring out over the city. He shrugs. “I can’t speak for Barton, but I’ve made a lot of fuck-ups by lying to myself. Trying to convince myself that making weapons is the right thing, even though I knew it wasn’t. Saying I was happy the way things were, because I’d have to be some kind of idiot to be so rich and powerful and _not_ change things if I’m not happy with them, right?” He shrugs again. “Just trying to stop doing that, I guess.”

Loki slides off his stool and walks over to the sofa. Tony turns his head to watch him, openly admiring the casual strut, long legs built for a catwalk. He drops himself gracefully next to Tony and tips his head back against the leather seat-back, staring up at the ceiling.

“I wasn’t trying to save your world,” he says, and his voice is gravelly with his neck stretched like that. Quiet and rumbling. “I could pretend that I was, but it was nothing so altruistic.”

Tony smirks and mirrors his posture, leaning back and popping his heels up on the coffee table. “You’re getting the hang of it,” he says. “So tell me, then, why did you do it? Why not take the easy route, do what you’d been told?”

Loki looks disgusted. “Because fuck them,” he says instantly.

Tony laughs, head thrown back and eyes shut in delight. “Hell yeah. Fuck them!” When he opens his eyes again and looks back at Loki, he’s got his head turned to face Tony, a soft, amused smile hovering on his lips.

“You would have done the same,” he says softly, and Tony forces himself to hold his gaze as he nods. Remembers that Loki knows everything, knows all his terrors and vulnerability, the torture and the fear, and the big fucking middle finger he stuck up at the Ten Rings, for all that it cost him. And Tony knows everything of Loki’s, too.

It’s not conscious, this movement towards each other. It’s north and south, positive and negative, drawing together inexorably, and if Tony wasn’t trying to break the habit of lying to himself, he’d justify it. He’d be flippant and say Loki was the hottest thing on two long, long legs, he’d say they’re coming down of the biggest fucking adrenaline high of their lives, he’d say they’re just reacting to the joy of being alive, of surviving.

But the truth is, he sees Loki, and feels seen, his whole life and all his secrets laid open. It should be horrifying, to be so vulnerable. It _has_ been horrifying. But he holds all of Loki’s truths, millenia of them, monstrous and tragic and foolish and joyful, and it feels like holding gems. 

Loki puts his hand to Tony's cheek as he kisses him, turning his body on the sofa so their lips meet gently, more gently than anyone would expect of either of them. And maybe if they weren’t trying to be honest, they would justify that, say they were tired, or unsure, but in truth, it’s knowledge. It’s knowing that this will be hard, that there are battles ahead from all fronts. But they know each other. They know what they need, and they see the space in their own lives that fits the other. And today, this time, in this harmonic vibration, they know where they belong.


End file.
